Bittersweet Smile
by setsuko teshiba
Summary: When life offers you a dream so far beyond your expectations, it's not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end. FujiRyo
1. Chapter 1

Author's Notes: I just want to explain (so that none of the readers will get confused) that Tokyo, Japan is 8 hours ahead of Berlin, Germany.

9:00 am Berlin, Germany; 5:00 pm Tokyo, Japan please correct me if I'm wrong :D Anyway I hope you like my story!!!!

Warnings: Shounen-Ai, swearing, major angst. (There is one more but if I write it down, it'll spoil the "surprise." evil laugh)

"speaking"

"_thinking"_

_flashback_

**Bittersweet Smile**

**Berlin, Germany, October 25, 2007, 9:00 am**

The atmosphere in Berlin, Germany was a gloomy one. It has been raining cats and dogs for the past week.

In a dark apartment near the heart of the city was a sixteen year old boy looking out his bedroom window and listening to the soft pitter patter of the raindrops outside.

_Tap_

_Tap_

"Ryoma?"

The boy called Ryoma looked at the intruder near his door. "Buchou."

"It's freezing in here." He looked around the room "Not only that, but all the lights are switched off." Tezuka stated with a stoic face though concern was evident through his voice.

An amused smirk suddenly appeared on Ryoma's face. "Hmm… you seemed to have let yourself in Buchou." Tezuka suddenly felt self-conscious and looked away. "I knocked, but you didn't seem to have heard it."

"Oh." He paused. "Gomen." Tezuka looked at the state Ryoma was in and frowned. "Not only did you not switch on your heater, but you're also not wearing warm clothes. Don't you know it's over 8 degrees?" Laughter suddenly filled the room. "Ne buchou, if you keep talking like that I might come to a conclusion that Oishi-senpai is rubbing off you."

Tezuka sighed and sat at the foot of the bed. "Well, if I didn't take care of you then who would? You're not exactly doing it yourself you know."

An uncomfortable silence suddenly enveloped the room. If Tezuka wasn't himself then he would've fidgeted. "It's been four years you know." Ryoma said after a while then started to look out the window once again. Tezuka's eyes widened and looked outside the same window Ryoma was currently looking at.

"Aa."

"_So that is what this is all about. Even after all this time, you're still thinking about HIM."_

"Buchou, are you free tomorrow?" Ryoma asked. Tezuka's line of thoughts was broken and his attention was back to the black haired boy. "I'm sorry, what?" Ryoma smirked at Tezuka.

"Mada mada dane buchou"

Tezuka frowned and Ryoma laughed at his facial expression. "I asked whether you're free tomorrow."

"Yes" he answered. "Actually I'm free for the next three days since we have a long weekend in Humboldt**1**. Why?" Tezuka noticed that Ryoma looked like he was debating whether he'd tell him or not. "Um, can you go with me to the hospital?" he paused to allow what he said to Tezuka to sink in. "The doctor said he needed to do a quick check up before he signs the papers for my operation. Well that's unless of course you already made other arrangements for tomo-"

"What time should I pick you up?"

(o)

**Tokyo, Japan, October 25, 2007, 5:00 pm**

"I refuse"

"But Fuji-kun, you can't. You're one of the top students here in Tokyo University! It's only logical that you represent the school as the transfer student."

"As you said sensei, I'm **one** of the top students. So that indicates that there are other students capable of this task." The boy called Fuji answered with a strained smile.

"Demo-"

"You will represent the school whether you like it or not Fuji-kun." Two heads turned to face the new comer. "Principal." They both said at the same time. Fuji looked away. "I don't want to appear rude principal, but as I've told Reika-sensei **I refuse**."

The principal sighed and turned his back on both Fuji and Reika. "The board of education of this school was the one who chose _you_ Fuji-kun. So whether you like it or not you are to oblige to them. Unless of course-" he paused for a dramatic effect and turned his head to face Fuji. "You want to have a mark on your permanent record."

Whatever Fuji's reaction to that was not shown on his face. Yet, when one looks at his ice blue orbs, they can see a burning anger waiting to be released. "Fine, I'll…..go." He said while grinding his teeth.

"Good. Your plane to Berlin will leave early morning tomorrow." The principal said and walked away. Reika also turned to leave but using the opposite corridor and Fuji was left alone. The drizzle outside started to get stronger like it was showing how he felt at the moment. Noticing the rain, Fuji turned to the window with his eyes showing anger, hatred and longing. "Why can't you just stay out of my life?"

(o)

**Berlin, Germany, October 26, 2007, 3:30 pm**

Ryoma opened the door of his apartment and got in with Tezuka following him. They just got back from the hospital. Ryoma immediately went to his room and crashed on his bed while Tezuka sat at the edge of it. "How did your check up go?" Tezuka asked after a period of silence.

"He said I was in good condition, so the surgery tomorrow will commence." Ryoma said while facing the ceiling.

"That's good." Tezuka said with a small smile. Ryoma sat up and reached for a small wooden box that was on top of his bedside table.

The box has intricately designed cherry blossom petals and intertwined vines carved on it. Ryoma opened the box and a soft relaxing music entered the room. Ryoma closed his eyes as he listened to it, willing all his worries to go to the back of his mind and be forgotten even for a short period of time.

The music's sound echoed in the silent room as its last note played its tune. Ryoma, with his eyes closed as if he was trying to imagine someone's face, said; "He composed that piece we just heard you know."

He opened his eyes and smiled at Tezuka. He then turned towards the small wooden music box and retrieved a picture. A picture of him and Fuji."

"He gave this music box to me on our first year anniversary. He said that at first, it was just an ordinary box with no engravings. But after he bought it, he had cherry blossoms carved on it since it was spring when he first confessed to me." Ryoma smiled a small smile at this. "Then he composed a piano piece for me and he asked the owner of the shop on which he bought the box to copy the piece and put it in the wooden box."

To Tezuka, Ryoma looked like he was about to cry even with the small smile on his face. He frowned at this. "Why?" Ryoma snapped from his trance and turned again to Tezuka. "What do you mean?" he asked.

Tezuka look surprise for a moment for he didn't realize that he said that out loud. But after he regained his composure, he decided to say his complete line of thoughts to Ryoma. He looked down at his lap while his nails dug deeper into his palms.

"Why do you still love him even after all the things he said to you before you went here in Germany? While you're here suffering with your illness he's out there enjoying life's luxuries." Tezuka's frown deepened. "While he's out there dating and probably _screwing_ people, you're here remaining loyal to him! How-"

"Continuing to love him was my choice buchou." At this, Tezuka hastily turned his head towards Ryoma but he couldn't see the boy's face since he turned to look at the rain outside the window.

"Continuing to love him was my choice, having my illness treated here was my choice." He paused for a while. "Breaking our relationship was also my choice buchou."

Tezuka's surprise was very evident on his face. "You were the one to who broke it off?" Ryoma nodded.

"Then why-" Tezuka paused as realization hit him. "You broke it off because you didn't want him to know about your illness."

"Aa."

Confusion spread though Tezuka's mind. "Why?" Ryoma lay down on the bed again. "Because if he knows, he'll want to take care of me and because of that, he might not fulfill all his dreams and ambitions. I……. I don't want him to sacrifice all the possibilities in his life just for me." A smile returned to Ryoma's face. "I don't want to be a burden to him."

Tezuka embraced Ryoma and felt him stiffen under his touch. _"Of course, you'd only be comfortable in Fuji's embrace." _Tezuka thought bitterly. _"No matter how much I love you, my love will always stay unrequited."_ His embrace on the boy tightened as he felt Ryoma relax under his touch. _"It doesn't matter. As long as I can be by your side, or even by just watching you from afar, I'll be satisfied." _

They remained like this for a few moments until Tezuka asked Ryoma a question that has been nagging him for a while. "You'll get better after the surgery right?

Ryoma remained quiet, debating on what to say to Tezuka. He lightly pushed on his chest, silently telling him to let go. Ryoma remained quiet for a few more minutes until he then started to tell Tezuka _everything._

(o)

(1) **Humboldt **is a real university in Berlin.

(A/N Hope you liked the first chapter!!!! This story might be about two to three chapters long. Actually, I was supposed to make this a one-shot. But it was too long so I divided the story. Anyway, please review!!!)


	2. Chapter 2

(A/N and now I present chapter two!)

**Bittersweet Smile**

(o)

**Berlin, Germany, October 27, 2007, 10:15 am**

Fuji walked out of the airport and went inside an empty cab. "To the Humboldt University please." He told the driver. Fuji looked at the buildings they passed through the window while in deep thought._ "We haven't seen each other for four years. It's awkward to think that you're here somewhere in this very city." _

"-oldt now sir." The driver told Fuji. "Huh?" Fuji was shaken out of his thoughts. "We're in Humboldt now sir." The driver repeated. "Oh, thank you." Fuji told him as he gave the driver the money.

He walked towards the main hall of the institute and was toured and oriented. Afterwards, he was led towards his room in the school dormitory. "This will be your room Mr. Fuji." The guide told him. "The university is out since it's a holiday. We'll resume classes the day after tomorrow so feel free to roam around Berlin."

"Yes, thank you." Fuji said with a smile. The guide just nodded to him and left the room.

Fuji lay down on his bed. "Roam around huh?" he muttered to no one in particular. He suddenly sat up. "Maybe I will."

(o)

Fuji was sitting on a bench in the city park when it started to drizzle. _"It's a good thing I brought an umbrella with me." _He thought to himself. The park was unsurprisingly quiet (seeing as there was no one there other than him) except for the pitter patter of the rain drops. Fortunately, the bench Fuji was sitting on is under the shade of a huge tree.

"_Sitting under this tree reminds me of that time."_

_**Flashback**_

"_Ne Syuusuke, why did you want to go here all of the sudden?" Ryoma asked after they both settled down under the Sakura tree._

_Fuji gave a playful sigh. "Ryo-chan, how many times do I have to tell you to call me Syuu-chan?" Ryoma punched Fuji's arm lightly. "Baka…"_

"_Ryoma, I'm hurt. You'd say that to a man who gave you his whole heart?" Fuji opened his eyes and tried to imitate the look of a kicked puppy._

_Ryoma just slapped his forehead in frustration. "I sometimes wonder why I even agreed to go out with you." He muttered. Fuji then smirked and hugged Ryoma. " 'cause you know that I can always make you scream in bed." He whispered huskily to the boy's ear._

_Ryoma's face reddened like a tomato. "Syuu…Syuusuke!!!" He stuttered. Fuji just laughed at his expression. "I was only joking, lighten up!" Ryoma turned silent. Fuji noticed this and stopped his laughter. "What's wrong?" He asked with worry._

"_Hey, tell me…." Ryoma trailed off. _

"_What?" Fuji frowned._

"_Do you love me?" Ryoma asked as he looked down his lap._

_Fuji's frown deepened at this. "What kind of question is that? Of course I do!"_

_Ryoma continued to look at his lap, not wanting to meet Fuji's gaze. "I do too Syuusuke." Ryoma smiled at this. "That's why I want you to be happy." Ryoma paused. "Ne, promise me that when the time comes, you'll move on."_

"_What do you mean by that Ryoma?"_

"_Just promise me!"_

"_O..okay, I promise."_

_Ryoma turned to give him a peck on the lips. "Good."_

_**End of Flashback**_

"You love me too huh?" Fuji said to himself. "Bullshit…" He looked at the dark clouds. "Every single moment we spent together was nothing but lies."

"_You don't have to worry about me that much buchou."_

Fuji's eyes widened as he heard a familiar voice. He stood up and turned his head to the left and saw _him_.

(o)

The drizzle turned into rain. The weather grew stronger just as Ryoma's guilt and dread did as ice blue orbs bore onto his own.

"Syuusuke." He muttered; his eyes wide.

The three figures standing in the park are now soaking wet, their umbrellas long forgotten. It seems, however, that time stood still for Fuji and Ryoma. They can't feel any other presence aside from each other. Not the ice cold blow of the wind, the piercing raindrops falling on their faces, nor the man standing, also wide eyed, beside Ryoma.

Fuji broke out of his reverie and forced out a smile. "Oh, fancy meeting you here _Echizen." _He hesitatedfor a moment before adding, "Tezuka."

Ryoma flinched at the mention of his last name and looked at the ground. Tezuka regained his composure and opened his umbrella and pulled Ryoma closer to prevent him from getting more soaked. Fuji's eyes narrowed at this gesture. "Ara, is this what you've been up to for the past years?" Fuji questioned with a smirk. Yet, you can see that underneath his façade is anger, hatred and betrayal.

Ryoma opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Tezuka's face was facing Fuji, yet his eyes shifted to the defeated form beside him. He analyzed Ryoma. Never before has he seen the boy like this. "_Excluding the time he arrived here four years ago."_ Tezuka thought back with a wince.

Tezuka then averted his attention to Fuji once again. "Fuji, we're not-"

"I don't want to hear your excuse Tezuka." Fuji turned and started to walk away. Ryoma looked up and stared at Fuji's retreating form._ "You idiot, say something!" _He told himself. "_Anything!"_

"Syuu…..Syuusuke wait!" Fuji looked at his eyes with such malice and hate that all the self-confidence he had earlier evaporated. He then raised an eyebrow.

"Yes?"

"I….Syuusuke buchou and I-"

"You told me that I should move on when the time comes." Fuji started. "Well guess what." He then gave Ryoma a cold bitter smile. "I already did." Fuji started to continue walking out the park. "I don't need to know what you do to your pitiful life. You can crawl up and die for all I care." Ryoma stiffened at this comment. "Ja ne!" He waved with his back turned at the two figures frozen on spot.

(o)

Both were silent as they drove back to Ryoma's apartment. The only sound that can be heard was the sound of the windshield wiper.

"Ryoma?"

The said boy, who was facing the window, answered. "Hai buchou?"

Tezuka's hands tightened its hold on the steering wheel. "Are you alright?" Ryoma remained silent for a while. "Yup!" he then turned to face Tezuka with a big grin plastered on his face.

Tezuka's eyes remained at the road. "About what Fuji said earlier, do-"

"You don't have to worry about that buchou." Came Ryoma's silent reply. Tezuka chose this moment to look at the young boy and what he saw nearly broke his heart.

Ryoma was looking at his lap with his smile still intact. Though the grin he wore earlier was reduced to a small bittersweet smile. "What Syuu- I mean Fuji-senpai said was nothing." He paused. "Nothing I wasn't prepared to hear."

And the rain grew stronger.

(o)

(A/N I hope you liked it! To those who reviewed, I want to give you all a BIG thank you! The next time I will update is guaranteed to be at December 24,2007 as a Christmas and birthday tribute to our Ryo-chan!!!!)

please review!!!!!


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Notes: Here's the last chapter, ENJOY!

**Bittersweet Smile**

(o)

**October 27, 2007, 5:00 pm**

"_The weather hasn't changed one bit."_ Ryoma thought grimly as he stared outside his hospital window. He continued to stare until a knock got him back from his reverie. "Oh! Um…come in."

Tezuka stepped into the room with a passive face but you can see the amusement swimming in his eyes. "And you say I'm mada mada dane. I've been knocking for the last five minutes you know." He said in a playful scolding manner. Ryoma then pouted. "If I'm not mistaken, I'd say buchou is picking on me." Tezuka laughed at this.

"When is the surgery going to start?" Tezuka asked as he looked at the clock in Ryoma's room. "Two hours from now. But they'll put me in the surgery room at six." He replied.

"Oh, I see." Tezuka said while trying to hide the forming frown on his face. "Doushite?" Ryoma asked.

"You see, the headmaster asked me to be at the secretary's office by 5:30 to help arrange the files of a transfer student that will be staying there.**1**" Tezuka answered with the frown now very evident on his face.

"Then what's keeping you from……" then it clicked.

"Oh."

"Aa."

"So the secretary is _still_ trying to rape you?" Ryoma said while blinking innocently.

"Ryoma!" Tezuka shouted. Ryoma laughed at this. "It's not my fault you look so _delectable _to her." By now, Tezuka was ready to buy all the aspirins in the hospital. "It's not that." He took of his glasses and massaged the bridge of his nose. "I…I want to be there when….they wheel you in the surgery room."

Ryoma gave him a small smile. "Go now buchou. You don't have to worry about me. And besides," By now, a smirk is evident on his face. "Ms. Kineman might throw a fit if you're late."

Tezuka sighed at his teasing. "Yes, yes, alright. I can see that I am unwanted. I'll be back before the surgery ends." He said as he walked out of the room.

"Ok. Remember to use protection!" Ryoma shouted out thus making all the nurses and patients outside to stare at Tezuka.

By then, Tezuka is wishing the ground will swallow him alive.

(o)

The drive to Humboldt was quiet. (Considering he was alone.) Tezuka arrived at the school parking lot and immediately went to the office.

"Good afternoon Kunimitsu." Ms. Kineman said seductively. Tezuka, no matter how out of character it is for him, gulped. "Uh… yes good afternoon." He hurriedly went to the file cabinet and started working.

As he was collecting the files, he suddenly found himself staring at the one with Fuji's picture. "Ms. Kineman, he…..he's the transfer student?" she strolled to his back and looked above his shoulder. "Uh hmm…..he's quite a looker isn't he?"

"Wha….what's his room number?" Tezuka asked, still staring at the picture. "Hmmm." The secretary put her index finger below her lips. "Oh! It's 3173. But why are y-" Tezuka was already gone before she was able to finish her sentence.

He ran as fast as he could. Just thinking of all the bittersweet smiles that Ryoma wore in the last four years made him run faster. "_This has to end now." _

Tezuka reached his destination and knocked.

(o)

Fuji just got out of the shower when he heard a knock on the door. _"What would they want now?" _He thought as he put on a bathrobe and walked towards the door. He opened it and what greeted him was disheveled looking Tezuka. He forced a smile and said, "To what do I owe this great pleasure? Shouldn't you be with Echizen?" By now, he was having a hard time keeping his carefree façade.

"Fuji, we need to talk." Fuji dropped his smile completely. "There's nothing to talk about Tezuka. Now, as you can see, I'm quite busy so ja!" he was about to close his door when Tezuka jammed his shoe in between the door frame and the door and then forced the door open.

"What are you-" He was cut off.

Tezuka grabbed the front of his robe. "If you still care for him, even just one bit, you'll listen to what I have to say." He said with anger and frustration burning in his eyes.**2**

(o)

**October 27, 2007, 5:51 pm**

Ryoma was injected morphine a few minutes ago by a nurse. He kept his eyes close while it was taking its effects, but a knock on the door made him open them again.

"Come in." He said softly.

He turned toward the sounds of the footsteps and looked at the visitor with hazy eyes because of the drug. (A/N his vision was blurry) "Buchou?"

"Ie." The visitor answered who was now a foot away from him. Ryoma's eyes widened as he heard the voice. "Syuusuke……"

As soon as the name left his lips Fuji grabbed Ryoma and hugged him tight.

I'm sorry was not enough. There isn't any word that would be enough to make up for all the sufferings and pain they both had to endure for the past years.

"Ryoma I…."

"Don't say anything. Let's…..just stay like this for a while." He said as he returned the hug. Their moment though was cut short as the nurse came inside to inform them that Ryoma will have to be readied for the surgery.

Fuji gave Ryoma a long hard kiss. "We'll talk about this after the operation." he said while grinning. Ryoma just sighed though happiness and contentment is radiating from his face. "Hai…."

(o)

**Tokyo, Japan, December 24, 2009, 11:25 pm**

Ryoma just entered the apartment when he was attacked by his boyfriend with a long hard kiss.

"Happy Birthday Ryo-chan."

"I love the gift Syuusuke."

Fuji smirked and leaned to Ryoma's ear. "Oh really, then you'll _love _what I have in store for you later on in bed."

Ryoma, by now, is beet red. Fuji then laughed at Ryoma's face. "Come on, I prepared a _very_ late dinner for us." He said as he held his Ryoma's hand and lead him to the dinning table.

Aside from the occasional teasing, (Curtsey of Fuji.) they both ate in silence. Soon enough, they were both done and were sitting in their living room couch with Ryoma on his lap.

The hands of the clock signaled twelve. Midnight. "Ryoma, I want to give you something." Fuji told him. Ryoma then moved to sit next to him. Fuji stood up and got a small velvet box from his pocket. He then knelt down and held Ryoma's left hand.

"Echizen Ryoma," He opened the box. "Will you marry me?" The box revealed a ring. But it's not the type with an enormous stone sticking out that a girl will immediately fall in love with. Ryoma was a boy, not a girl. And Fuji is **well** aware of that fact.

It was a simple white gold ring with three diamonds intact in it. And Ryoma stared dumb folded. "You….. that……" he said. Fuji just grinned at him. "You know, it's better if you just say yes." Ryoma continued to stare at it and then he closed the box. "No." he said finally.

Fuji frowned at this. "I don't understand." Ryoma just stared at the fireworks outside the apartment window. "You'll…..just regret it Syuusuke." He said softly.

Fuji was now enraged by what just came out of Ryoma's mouth. "Why would I regret this? If anything, I would be the happiest man in the world!"

"You will. I have been…..very selfish Syuusuke. I don't want to keep you from getting the happiness that you deserve." He was about to stand up when Fuji grabbed his arm and kissed him with all the confusion and anger he felt at that moment.

"Why can't you understand that you are my happiness." He then said after breaking the kiss. "Life before I met you was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars- points of light and reason. And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire. There was brilliancy. There was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything."**3**

"But you're eyes will just adjust." Ryoma mumbled

"That's just the problem, they can't."

Ryoma stayed silent at this. Fuji sighed and took the ring and forcibly put it around Ryoma's left ring finger and then carried the struggling tennis prodigy to their bedroom. Fuji then dropped him at the bed and crawled on top of him. "You know that I won't take no as an answer. So I guess I just have to convince you huh?" He said with a smirk.

(o)

Clothes were discarded everywhere on the bedroom floor. Two almost motionless figures on the bed, one on top of the other, panted. "I hope that convinced you enough." He said as he moved beside Ryoma and hugged him. Ryoma just punched the other lightly. "Pervert."

Fuji grinned at this. "Yes, but I'm your pervert."

A long period of silence overtook them. Fuji's hug tightened. Afraid to let go. "You know that I love you right?" Ryoma asked him with his face buried in Fuji's chest.

"Of course, as do I."

"Then promise me something. Promise me that no matter how hard it may be, when the time comes, you'll do whatever it takes to live your life to the fullest. Promise me that you'll move on and will not linger in the past." Ryoma said with a strained voice.

"I don't understand. Why must you-"

"Just promise me!"

"Alright. I……Promise." He said with hesitation. "But you won't leave me right? I don't want to wake up in the morning to find you gone like six years ago." Fuji said as he buried his face in Ryoma's emerald-black hair.

"I won't. I'll always be with you Syuusuke. Forever by your side." Fuji smiled at this.

"That's good to know." He said as he let sleep take him.

"_You don't know how much I love you Syuusuke. I love you so much. So much that it hurts to say it. To say goodbye……."_

(o)

Morning came and Fuji's biological clock woke him up. He tightened his loose hug to Ryoma and was about to wake him up and say Merry Christmas when he noticed how cold he felt. "Ryoma?" He said with dread as he turned his body and saw the dries tears on his face. But even with that, a small bittersweet smile was evident on his lips.

It seems as though Fuji went into shock. He felt numb. His entire body felt numb. The only thing he felt was the cold winter morning wind coming from the open window which caressed his cheek. And then a whisper. A soft whisper to his ear.

"_I'll always be with you."_

"_Be happy."_

(o)

**Berlin, Germany, December 25, 2009, 1:15 am**

Tezuka was walking at the pedestrian walk trying to keep his mind on bay. But no matter how much he tried, his mind will always go back to a specific conversation almost two years ago.

_**Flashback**_

"_The surgery won't do anything buchou. My illness is already at its peak and all it can do is prolong my life." He paused. "I guess the only reason I even agreed to this is because I want to at least say goodbye to him."_

_**End of Flashback**_

Tezuka stopped walking when he found himself in front of a familiar park.

"_You really are happy to be with him, even for just a short time, aren't you?"_

The soft wind blew towards him as if answering his rhetorical question.

(o)

(1) - You see, Tezuka is the head of the dormitory. So it's like a respondsibility.

(2) - I actually got that scene from **Ishka's** **Clear Blue Sky**

(3) - I got that line from the book New Moon

(A/N currently running away from an angry mob………….)


End file.
